my newest tattoo, done at Palace of Pain in cleveland, Brisbane. Artist - Curtis House.
This is Astro the Samoyed, who’s turning 1 years old in 5 days!
TW: EXTREME DIETING
I come from a fat family. Both of my parents and four of my five siblings are large and always have been. Looking back now, I was not bigger than my peers until I went through puberty, but I have worn the “fat girl” identity for as long as I can remember. I distinctly remember comparing the size of my wrist to that of my best friend in elementary school and feeling my stomach twist in shame at the difference I perceived.
Growing up, I watched my mother’s weight fluctuate constantly. She was a serial fad dieter and occasionally she would just flat out starve herself. She hated her body and never attempted to deny that she thought fat was ugly. So in turn, I have never thought of myself as anything but ugly either. I dieted with her sometimes. Around the age of thirteen, I lost forty pounds through near-starvation. Needless to say, that weight didn’t stay off and I hated myself even more when I gained it back.
I have been trying to find peace with my body for a few years now. I have made very small strides, but I backslide easily. I struggle with depression and anxiety, which doesn’t make the process any easier. For a long time, I thought the closest I could come to body positivity is peace that I will always hate the way I look.
About two months ago, I suddenly had a strong urge to get physically active. I always thought that any sort of exercise was beyond my ability and wouldn’t make a difference anyway. So, I tried it. And…I liked it! Every time I went a little bit farther or a little bit harder, I felt so much pride in my body and what it could do. That is a completely foreign feeling to me and I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it. I have also made a great effort to start feeding myself well, without starving myself or denying myself things that I enjoy (hello, Wendy’s #2 combo meal. Hello, wine nights with friends. Hello, cheese. All the cheese. Give me the cheese!). My body deserves good fuel and that is what I’m trying to give it.
Have I lost weight? Yes, some. However, that’s not important. What IS important? I feel like I have actually gotten to know my body for the first time in my life – and to my surprise, it’s pretty badass! I used to try so hard to distance my mind and spirit from my physical self. I always just felt like I was just suck in this thing that wasn’t mine and I hated it.
Not anymore and never again. This body belongs to me and I’m not ashamed of it. Every aspect of my existence is connected and existing in harmony for the first time ever, and I love it. I am so, so happy. Yes, I am actively working to change some things about my body, but my motivation doesn’t come from self hatred anymore – it comes from the pride I feel when I treat myself well and my body thanks me in return; whether those thanks come in lost weight or newly gained abilities, I am at peace because I know I am doing my best.
I took these pictures this afternoon and almost cried as I was deciding which ones to submit, because for the first time ever, I feel no need to apologize. There is NOTHING wrong with my body, and I think I will cherish these pictures for a long time. I hope that when I am much older, I can look at these and smile knowing that at twenty years old, I was happy, I was healthy, and I was beautiful. :)
I relate to this very much.
My names Jayln
artist who did this Joe Baker works out of adrenaline in toronto rad dude awesome work
Penny the Persian kitten’s first ever Halloween! (It may not look like it but she actually loved wearing her costume, she was purring her little heart out!)
OH MY GOD THIS IS SO CUTE!!